神啊

慢慢地自我迷失了
经过了23年的岁月
依然感觉陌生


可这种陌生的感觉
越来越深刻了


好可怕


本来容易入眠的我
现在几乎天天失眠


精神快要撑不住了


不知道这一切是否值得
却又不能停止了
付出了的就覆水难收


从来就不大相信鬼神之说


可是
现在我希望神真的存在
奢望祂能够救赎我


就像那首陈年老歌所说的
‘神啊，救救我吧’

坚强

蛮多人都觉得我是坚强的
可是
其实我不想坚强


或许说
我的坚强只是一个外壳
是用来保护自己的


我只是一个普通女子
我也很希望能够有人让我依靠
但从来都没人可以让我依靠
我能依靠的就只有自己
所以我能够不坚强吗


当别人说我坚强时
我都会有一种很无奈的感觉
因为我其实并不坚强
我也有脆弱的一面
只是你们看不见


请别再说我坚强了
我真的一点也不坚强........

语无伦次

何时我的心情才能停止飘忽不定
每天的起伏都太大了
大的让我喘不过气


从何时开始
我的心情全都由一个人来主宰
就连我的心也不听我的话了
失去自我了
我再也不是原来的我


原以为自己可以很洒脱地走开
可是却越陷越深了


从前我不能接受的事情
现在却每天都在眼前发生
都要学会去接受忍耐
或许这是训练自己的坏脾气的好机会吧


分享是一种美德
可我从来都不知道
原来分享是可以那么伤人的

真假

或许是自己的想象力太丰富了
可最近常常都在不停的想着同一个问题
究竟我现在做的东西是对是错呢？


现在的我是开心的 也学到了很多
可是这是我用我付出的东西换回来的
而究竟值不值得呢？
其实我怕的并不是值不值得
而是我得到的是对方的真心对待吗？


可能是在社会打滚太久了
对人的信任度也相对地降低了
而从我发现的种种迹象中
这种被人利用的感觉越来越强烈了


某些人能够对人说人话对鬼说鬼话
可能现在他对我说的是我爱听的话
下一刻他可能对别人说对方爱听的
好让双方不会发生争执


可能对某些人来说这是善意的谎言
可对我来说并不是
谎言就是谎言


怪不得谁
是我自己在犯贱
明知会受到伤害可是还是不肯离开
可能时间未到吧


有谁能告诉我
究竟他说的每一句话
哪一句是真哪一句是假？
我真的很想知道。。。

今生无悔

一个月的时间飞逝而去
慢慢地已经习惯现在的生活模式


30天的时间
说长不长 说短也不短
但已足够让一个人的思想彻底改变


从以前彻底的拒绝
到现在慢慢地接受
变化实在是太大了


是好是坏？
这是一个没有答案的问题


现在的我是开心的
大部分时候


可也有那么一点点的时候
我是伤心的


已经不能去计较得与失
这回事是不能计算的


现在的我只能跟从自己的心
让自己随心所欲地做想做的事


别人说我自私也好 无知也罢
这是我的人生
我要活得今生无悔

不管有多苦

今天听了一首好久好久没听的好歌

一直以来都很爱那英沙哑的声音

还记得以前一直希望

自己能够拥有一把如此美妙的声音

她的声音就像有一种无形的穿透力
能够把歌词中的感情带进我们的心里

不管有多苦 还是会坚持 不轻言放弃

主唱 ： 那英

站在属于我的角落
假装自己只是个过客

我的心在人群中闪躲

不懂我们之间这份真情 犯了什么错

若你不是你 若我不是我

那又多快乐

不管与你的路有多苦

我只想拥有最后的祝福

再多的伤害我都不在乎

愿你我挣脱一切的束缚

不管与你的路有多苦

擦干眼泪告诉自己不准哭

我不怕谁说这是个错误

只要你我坚持永不认输

七情六欲

人真的是一种很奇怪的动物


虽然是万兽之灵
虽然比动物优秀
为何人类却不能和平相处呢


那是因为人类拥有
无穷无尽的欲望
无穷无尽的贪婪
无穷无尽的猜疑


说穿了
就是七情六欲在作祟


七情代表着
喜、怒、哀、惧、爱、恶、欲


六欲代表着
见欲、听欲、香欲、味欲、触欲、意欲


如果我们没有七情六欲
人类共处应该会很简单


大家都可以快快乐乐的一起生活
不需要任何的猜疑和妒忌
不需要任何的争吵和斗争
不需要任何的谎言和欲望


那会是一个多么美好的世外桃源呐


可惜
那只是一个遥不可及的梦想

一字记之日

人长大了才慢慢发现
原来现实真的是残酷的
真相也永远都是最伤人的


人的一生都在追求身边的人对自己坦诚
可当我们知道真相后真的有比较好吗


或许会觉得解脱了
可是
你真的得到解脱了吗


或许我们只是在对自己的心撒谎
故意去忽略心里真正的感受


又或许我们真的害怕失去
所以宁愿继续受伤害
也不愿意放手


人.........
一字记之日
贱

选择

神秘莫测的你
让我的心悬在半空中
好痛苦


每天都在提心吊胆
好不容易回到身边的安全感却又顺风而去了
剩下的只有害怕


人前总要硬撑
可当夜阑人静时无助的感觉特别深刻
人后彻底崩溃


自信心从来就不是我的囊中物
它爱来就来 爱走就走
就像一只没脚的小鸟 从不会为我而停留


自卑心日益强烈
翻江倒海的 快要淹没我了
快死了 该怎么做呢？


我可以选择随波逐流
也可以选择抗战到底


在这个交叉路口
我又该如何选择呢？


答案
已经在心中.......

未来

最近常常在想我未来的路该怎么走

某人的一番话 让我突然醒觉

又或者说让我想起了这个残酷的事实

我的未来不好走

没有目标

没有才华

没有技能

没有学历

没有梦想

没有前途

这就是我 什么都没有的我

其实一直都知道这问题的存在

不过我选择去忽略它

逃避

什么都没有的我最爱逃避

以为逃避了就没事了

但问题还是存在

逃避并不能解决问题

躲得了一时躲不了一世

终究还是得解决的

是时候应该好好地想清楚自己未来的方向了

矛盾

一直以来 我都清楚知道自己是个自私的人

我不轻易付出 付出了 就想要有同等的回报

但最近发现

无条件付出的人往往她们得到的也会是最多的

就算没有回报 可他们至少能够得到心灵上的满足

只因他们享受为对方付出的感觉

真的好羡慕这一类人

与其说羡慕倒不如说是妒忌吧

我好妒忌他们还能够保持天真无邪

这种单纯的感觉已经被我遗忘好久好久了

但最近某人一直提醒着我

我已经不再单纯了

我现在是一个懂得去计算和耍心机的人

好处当然是我不容易受伤害

可坏处是

当我在计算的同时对方也同样地在计算我

那我能够的到的真心相待可说是少之又少

或许我应该调整自己的想法

可以前所受过的伤害却又让我止步不前

害怕

现在的我真的很害怕

那种不想失去另一个人的感觉开始回来了

很怕当我全心付出时得到的结果会和以前的一样

很害怕那种伤透了心的感觉

可如果我不全心付出

我又如何去要求对方全心投入呢

做人还真是矛盾呐.....................

外来者

胡思乱想

我

常常都会不经意地

胡思乱想

它

就像我摆脱不了的

坏习惯

明明知道

很多时候都是我自己的

被害妄想症发作

可是就是

无法摆脱它

常常因为胡思乱想

让自己变得沉默寡言

让自己变得人见人厌

但

还是无法摆脱

有朋友说

是我自己想太多

可是我却阻止不了

工作时

常常都会

觉得自己像是一个外来者

何谓外来者

就是自己想帮又帮不上忙

只能在一旁瞎紧张

我很讨厌这种感觉

也很讨厌自己的不够努力

让自己变成一个外来者

或许

他们并没有把我当成是一个外来者

可我就是会有这种感觉

或许是我太懦弱

或许是我太愚笨

或许...或许

哪来那么多的或许

总结只有一个

就是我不够努力不够勤奋

不能让别人认同我

才会让自己变成一个外来者

家

睡眠不足
感觉身体已经不受控制了

可是
在工作完了之后
还是不想回家

或者说
我不懂那是否是我的家

家
应该是一个充满了
温暖 关怀 亲密的地方

可是我的家
感觉就像是回到了
一个冰冷的牢房

哪里才是我的家？
哪里才有我的容身之所？

尽管已经疲累不堪
尽管已经无处可去
尽管已经夜深人静

但
我依然不想回家

我
渴望有我自己的家
渴望有属于我自己的一片天空

New look

Last thursday i went for a saloon to have my hair done. It was shock when the 1st time i saw my new hair cut. I always keep my hair long since i finish my secondary school because like everybody said, guys always in love with long hair. Anyway, I don't care guys like it or not now because nobody can own me except myself LOL. Some of you might think this hair cut not suit for me but whatever la.. What done is done and i kinda in love with this new hair cut. :)


Erm..... I don't like my hair colour now so guess i will change a new colour soon! Stay tune.

xoxo

New Toy!!!!!

It's been a really long time i din update my blog. Sorry cause i was a little lazy lately lol. So, since I'm alone in office and nothing to do now i decided to show off my NEW TOY!!! This was the 1st time i bought a camera and it was a lomo camera. Maybe many of you dunno what is lomo so here is the link you can actually understand more about lomo. click here!!

And this is my NEW TOY!! Tadaaaaaaa!

My little Nico Digi lomo.

At 1st i din mean to buy this camera but since my best jimui helenk keep saying 'OMG! I want to get a lomo!!!' make me so curious about this little thing so we decided to shop for this little cute thing. Haiz...... My best jimui always make me spend money 1........ lol. Anyway, i din regret to get this lomo cause it's really cute and the price is quite reasonable. Beside the lomo camera, i bought the jelly lens also and it was super super super good stuff!!!!! If you really interested in lomo camera you can take a look from this website! Click here!!

Product name: Nico Digi (VQ1005 Nico Nico Version)

Brand: Superheadz, Japan

Sensor pixel: 1.3M

Sensor: CMOS

Lens: f=6.56mm

Image size: 640X480 / 1280X1024 / 1600X1200

Movie size: 320X240

Focal distance: 2 feet –> infinity

Macro: 2 – 6 inches

Exposure: Auto

White Balance: Auto

Self timer: 10 sec.

Image file format: JPEG

Movie file format: MPEG @ 6fps (maximum of 2.4MB per video)

Memory: SD card up to 2GB

Battery: AAA batteries

Dimensions: L60mm X H38mm X W20mm

Weight: 85 g including battery

Ok, enough for boring stuff. Let me show you some pictures now!

Tadaa!! Can you see the light effect?! OMG!! I'm so in love with my camera now! By the way, I'm using Sparkle jelly lens.

See!! Twinkle twinkle little star! LOL.

Using Macro (close-up) jelly lens

Fossil!

Using Starburst jelly lens

Sorry moi I din get your permission to upload your funny pictures but i guess you won't mind right? LOL

xoxo

Jeslyn Wedding

This was my very 1st time attend my friends wedding and i was 'ji mui' also, it was a very sweet memories. Although they been through many challenge in their relationship but they dint give up and finally they make a decision to be with each other forever. I wish they will happy forever.

Morning session

In a wedding of course we wont miss the morning session which all 'ji mui' will pop out some idea to play with the 'heng tei'. I'm not very good in english so lets the pictures tell u the story.

making some 'delicious' drinks.

Ta daa!! Looks 'delicious' right? lol

See! They so enjoy in wearing bra. But the size is toOoOo small lol.

I love Jeslyn.

I dunno why don't ask me.

Cepat minum!!!! If not you cant get in!!

Jeslyn!!! I'm coming now!!!

Jeslyn : I'm waiting for you my dear.

Finally... I caught you.

Jeslyn and 'ji mui'

Night session

Kiss kiss! Muacks!

Jeslyn, I wish your life will full of happiness. Muacks! Miss you.

xoxo

Get to know yourself better

Since i'm extremely bored at home i decided to had some fun on facebook. Yes, facebook was my only entertainment. How sad was that T.T... So, i found out this application was quite attractive and i wants to share it with you.

It was a test to let you get to know yourself better and the result of me is quite true so if u guys realy bored now u can give it a try.

Here is the link
http://apps.facebook.com/yourself_btr/index.php

And this is my result...

Dear Desiree Wong, below are your Personality Tests result:
Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Your view on yourself
♥ You are down-to-earth
♥ People like you because you are so straightforward
♥ You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both side

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking
♥ You are a true romantic
♥ When you are in love you will do anything, everything to keep your love true

Your readiness to commit to a relationship
♥ You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person

The seriousness of your love
♥ You are very serious about relationships
♥ Aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like
♥ If you meet the right person you will fall deeply
♥ Beautifully in love

Your views on education
♥ Education is very important in life
♥ You want to study hard
♥ Learn as much as you can

The right job for you
♥ You're a practical person
♥ Will choose a secure job with a steady income
♥ Knowing what you like to do is important find a regular job doing just that
♥ You'll be set for life

How do you view success
♥ You are afraid of failure
♥ Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you d
♥ Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous

What are you most afraid of:
♥ You are afraid of things that you cannot control
♥ Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel

xoxo

Emi Fujita♥

Few years ago, i was attracted by a woman singer who names Emi Fujita. Although i like her album very much but i dint buy it cause i am poor kids that time lol. Due to money reason i decided to search her song online(shhhh...) Sadly i dint get to find it cause i'm an idiot in computer few years ago. In the end i gave up but today i accidentally found her song on a website and turns out i still love her voice very much(i'm not lesbian by the way lol).

Emi Fujita 藤田恵美 born May 15, 1963(she is taurus baby too!) is a Japanese singer. She debuted as a singer with her husband Ryuji Fujita as the group Le Couple. Their first album was released in 1994. Emi made her solo debut in 2001. Her series of camomile CDs are covers of popular western songs. Rembrandt Sky is her first original album, a collaboration with music producers Toshiyuki Mori, Seiji Kameda and Yoshiyuki Sahashi.

Albums

* Camomile (2001)
* Camomile Blend (2003)
* Rembrandt Sky (2005)
* Camomile Classics (2006)
* Camomile Best Audio (2007)
* Lullaby of Camomile Concert 2008 HK Special Version LPCD45 (2008)

Single

* Rainbow Bridge (2007/5/16)

I dunno how to describe my feeling. It just.. erm.... While i'm listen to her song i feel very comfortable and peaceful.

I had post some video of Emi Fujita. Enjoy♥

Fields of gold♥


Desperado♥


Wishes♥


xoxo

Myself

Hello there, my name is Desiree and really nice to meet u guys here. The reason i create this blog is because I'm too fcking bored so I decided to start blogging. Of course there is other reason too - I want to improve my English. Oh ya, please forgive my broken English and if I do anything wrong please correct me. Thanks a lot!!!

Now let me introduce myself, I'm an ordinary girl who don't have big dream. The only thing I dream for is to have a lovely family in my future lolx. Some of you maybe will think this is silly but for me it's really are my biggest dream. I'm a Taurus girl so no doubt I'm stubborn, extremely stubborn lolx. I'm radical, patient(opps! I doubt that lol), persistent and a bit old-fashioned.

Well, in real life I don't easily believe other people that's why I don't have many close friends. Sometimes I will feel lonely but I rather be alone than hurting by others. Used to be naive in few relationship so I become more smart now(I think) but when I'm too smart in relationship I failed also WTF! Used to trust in true love but now I doubt that. Although I know some relationship do have happy ending and live happily ever after. Well, I only can hope that good things will happen to me one day.

So, I guess I'm done here. Hope I won't be lazy to update this blog. lolx.

xoxo